The Long Goodbye

Art is my universe, but the center of my universe is my children. This summer marks the end of raising children and the beginning of empty nesting. I’ve known since January of 2018 that my daughter, Grace, would be graduating high school a year early…alongside her older brother, Seth. 

We spent this last week getting Grace, who will be studying international diplomacy and two languages, settled into her west-coast college and in just a few weeks we’ll be delivering Seth to New York City where he will be immersed in a conservatory to pursue the Broadway stage. 

I have to tell you, launching them into their respective college careers has been the longest goodbye. 

I should have seen it coming. If you don’t want your children to love L.A. or NYC don’t take them there multiple times throughout their childhood. If you don’t want your children to become a Musical Theatre major or a worldly scholar, don’t enroll them in vaudeville and melodrama since pre-school age or buy them Rosetta Stone in grade school. 

Here, in the midst of my self-inflicted sadness over the scattering of my soul (yes, they get the drama from me), by facilitating the leaving of my children (and my heart)…I am shocked that I am still creating…because a war of internal dialog has been playing out in my mind this entire summer. I have battled down thoughts of extreme panic that seem to hit me at the oddest times, like as I’m unloading the dishwasher and suddenly realizing that if I join a new gym, Grace won’t be able to join with me! And my head hurts from the days of crying that ensued as I helped her hold a garage sale where she sold most of her childhood belongings…a lot of them…to me!! And my first born hasn’t even left yet! Yes, I’m having a hard time letting go. 

Luckily, I planned for the lockdown that I thought might occur in my studio. Between high school graduation in May and Christmas I scheduled just two commissions to create and I’m thankful that I finished the first just a couple days before we left for California. 

I was so surprised to find that though my mind was distracted with the guilt of working when I thought I should be spending every minute with my kids, I was still able to reach that place of contentment through the process of creating. The portrait that is on easel now might be the best I’ve ever done, truly, I feel something special happened in the process on this one. My head was distracted, but my heart went right to the painting for solace, peace and love and I’m happy to distract myself again with the next one. If as an artist our life experiences contribute to the depth and quality of our work, then I am in the right job. I feel all the feels and am compelled to comfort myself with the beautiful act of creating. 

Visit my Instagram or Facebook pages to see more in-progress images from my recent works.

https://www.facebook.com/ArtistTinaGarrett/

https://www.instagram.com/artisttinagarrett/

Below Left: My darlings at Disneyland the day before taking Grace to college.

Right: An iPhone shot of my recent commission, "Timeless-A Portrait of Carolyn".